Someone is Smoking Weed Outside My Window (as usual)

Stella is literally watching me write this blog.
I am laying in bed and she is sitting facing the netbook, watching the words appear on the screen and my fingers moving. As cute as this is, I can only see 5% of the screen and am praying these words are spelled correctly (thank binoculars for spell check).

I am pretty mad at myself for not staying updated. There are a few things that I would have liked to blog about, but haven't. My life feels so different and I don't know if it's good or bad.
I miss Jake like a crazy person. Every day I have this compelling feeling to not get off at the appropriate exit and to keep driving straight for another 6 hours. But I can't.

Work has been getting better. I'm starting to enjoy it and make friends. I just have hardly any free time and because I'm only a part time worker, I'm not getting a lot of money for what feels like a lot of hours. But I'm ok with that. I couldn't handle anymore.

Things I should have blogged about:
Over a month ago my roommates first put up a "boxing ring" in our back yard. Sarah and I boxed. I 'won,' but there were some uneven odds going on.

A week after that I visited Jake for his birthday. It was a glorious weekend. I miss the bay so much. After I visited, that's when the serious sad days started to kick in. It helped me realize the sooner I get my shit together, the sooner I can go back home. As much as I am enjoying my time here down south, it is not home. I don't feel like I'm at home. I don't know how I feel. I use to feel like I was just visiting, but now it just feels normal, but not in a normal way.

I haven't posted any vlogs to YouTube and feel like an idiot. I need to start a weekly thing to get myself rolling. If you are reading this from my channel, I'm sorry. I have been so busy and promise to make time. I wanted to do a giveaway since I have 100+ followers now! Thank you!

I am managing to get through the days knowing I'll see Jake for Turkey Day. But after that? I don't want to think about it. I can't go home for winter break, but am hoping Jake will come down here, especially because IV will be much calmer and the house will be mostly empty.

I miss my mom a lot, too. She sends me amazing care packages even though she can't always afford it. I really want to send her something nice, I just can't think of it yet. I really miss just going to lunch or tea with her whenever. I don't have many friends outside the house, but even if I did, I wouldn't be able to fill the mom emptiness.

For Halloween I was a manba girl. It was a lot of fun doing the makeup, but the actual weekend sucked. It's probably because I don't drink, but I don't think that's all of it. There was a crazy couple that literally brawled each other and kept coming back when we kicked them out. And Saturday just sucked. My Halloween weekend was a total bust, the whole time I just wished I was back in the bay. I was borderline miserable. I didn't complain to anyone about that but one early morning, when I was asked by either Jack or Richard how I was, I mentioned how I was homesick and how Halloween wasn't the same for me. For some reason, Sarah thought it was her fault and threw me a surprise tea party. It was lovely and I really enjoyed it. It's not her fault that I don't fit in here and I don't know why she feels it's her responsibility. I think even if I did drink, I would still be about the same because Jake is what I miss the most.

I feel like I have no purpose in my life right now. It just feels like being stuck in the school rut. I have 3 papers due next week, one Monday and two on Tuesday. I think I can finish them all tomorrow no problem, especially because I have work earlier than normal on the weekends. I hope I get hired on as a regular after the holidays. And continuing on that hope, maybe even transfer to the Michael's back home for the summer. That would be amazing.

I'm forcing myself to draw again. If I want to be a fashion person, I need to be able to at least draw my designs/outfits. I did a couple already and think they turned out alright. I have a scrap book but decided to make it my design portfolio instead as a way to keep myself positive.

The last thing I can think of is that there's a possibility that Jake might go to Japan without me. :C Even though I explained earlier how it was important to me that we both go at the same time for the first time, it didn't stick and his Oma offered to pay for his trip and said I wasn't allowed to go. It's not that she doesn't like me, she just wants him to get an experience of the outside world and that's where he wants to go. I wish he'd pick somewhere else because it is so important to me. It's one of the few things we have in common and he's always saying we don't have a lot, too. But whatever. He hasn't told me his final answer yet and I don't want to think about it anymore.


This holiday, I think I'm going to ask for shoes. I want so many Jeffrey Campbell's that I'm going to pick my favorite and ask for them. So far, the Damsil JC x BlackMilk Galaxy ones are winning. I will probably end up buying myself a pair of spiked Litas in the next couple weeks, probably with the next pay check. I want Lolita, too, but just am too down to ever want to wear it. The longer I am here, the less I want to get dressed up. It's weird.


I think that's enough ranting for now. Good Night, World.

Lolita in Goleta #1

So first things first, Goleta is pronounced go-leet-uh. Now the total sounds way cooler.

Today was the first day I wore lolita here in SB/Goleta (Goleta is about 10 miles north of SB). I only went half lolie (see image below) today. The main reasons for that are 1.) It's warm out and 2.) I didn't want to freak out the house mates.

I did a lot today; went to SBCC (unsuccessful), Albersons, Von's, Costco, Home Depot, Ross (got new running tennies) and a smoke shop (for JD). The cashier at Albersons said he liked my outfit and would have given me a piece of candy if he had any but have us the store discount instead since neither of us have Albersons cards.

Side note: Stella is so fucking hyper and rambunctious right now it's driving me bonkers.

I also started the 30 Day/300 challenge to start shaping my abs. I feel a bit site and jogging for 10 minutes didn't help. But I need to get some athleticism back. I didn't appreciate how fit I was when I played basketball because I thought that was just normal for me since I played for 8 years solid. But now that I can't even run a fucking block, I feel so pathetic. Jake started rising his bike, too. It's nice we are both taking care of ourselves. I decided to make walking/jogging/running my drinking. If I feel like I really 'want' to drink, I will go on a walk/jog/run instead. Healthier for my body and relationship. :)

Played more (sober) beer pong. Won both games I played (I think). I'm starting to understand why people enjoy it do much. I have an advantage because I stay sober the whole time, but I suck so it balances out. After that we played Blur and then L4D2. I didn't really feel like it though since A was sufficiently drunk and easy mode was difficult (manages to finish the ending on my own, though). We watched Dazed and Confused. It was a good 70's movie. Lots of actors that later become famous.

My Jeffrey Campbell shoes should arrive in the next two days. I'm so excited! I've wanted them for a while and feel it was a good purchase. :)

That's all for today. I miss my YouTube channel. :( Need to vlog soon.

Also miss Jake like crazy. A played Less than Jake in the car and it stung (he didn't know).

Stella is all tuckered out now and so am I.

Night.
XoxoX

The Adventure: Night #3

I might eventually edit this post. I'm on my phone because we don't have Internet yet.

This is my third official night of The Adventure. Stella and I arrived here last Sunday night around 9pm. Stella barked at me a little bit and didn't eat/drink/use the litter box on the way down, but she slept and smiled so i knew she was ok. :) Her cage took up 2/3 of the cab in the truck!
That night, I stayed up for a little bit and hung out with the guys, but passed out pretty early. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

I had to say my (temporary) good bye to Jake and it was so hard. My face was on over-drive so I was a slobbery mess. Not surprisingly, Jake kept his composure and still has. He is always the super strong one. I know he misses me, though. He calls me every day and we even talked for 35 minutes. :) I thought I would have to pry the phone calls out if him but he's been calling me and it's nice.

I met L for the first time. We (I, really) lucked out in picking him kinda blindly. He's very nice and even made us chow mien!
The guys threw a little party last night. Still learning the lingo since I am a huge stranger to all of this, but it might have been considered a 'kickback'. There were a decent amount of people, all the girls got really drunk. I was scared they were going to puke in our bathrooms. After I used our bathroom upstairs, I left the light and vent going so it appeared occupied. I DON'T want to clean up some random's vomit (yet).

I will admit I felt crazy outta place, but after a little bit of just watching them, I felt better. I was still the weird girl with tea instead of alcohol, but I'm sorta proud of that. Don't get me wrong, I've tried it and I'm not sitting there judging them all or anything. I just don't drink but enjoy crowds and loud music.
I also already know I will be a weird girl in IV. I haven't yet (too hot and lazy during the day) worn lolita or the necomimi (need batteries) but as soon as I do I know I'm starting a reputation for myself. I don't mind the idea of that, though.

They should be good for now. Kinda a lame night, but I did just play L4D2 with Al on the Xbox. It was something familiar so I felt less sad about missing Jake. I went on a walk and watched the ocean for a few earlier tonight. Thought it might help me since I was in a bit of a funk, but not really.

Good Night~

Ps: I also miss my soulmate. I didn't get to see her before I left. :(