18 Days

'Till what, you ask?

I GO HOME!!!

I quit my job at Michaels. :C I love it there and hate that I had to, but I need to go home this winter holiday.
The semester is almost over and I am ready for it to be done. I defiantly took on too much with a job along side 15 units (12 being full time student).
My last day of work is the 5th of next month; in one week.

Turkey Day was nice, but not what I am use to. That is not a bad thing at all, I just missed my mom's side of the family. It was a  small, simple Thanksgiving Day.

I have been feeling sick-ish the last few days, like I'm fighting something off. I don't have full-blown symptoms, but they are there and persistent. I actually feel pretty crappy right now. I feel just barely light headed and have a weird feeling in the back of my throat. It's like when you eat a lot of oranges or tangy fruit. I've been going crazy with the Vitamin-C, too.

Should have taken a nap earlier. Oh well.

Time to actually pay attention in history class.

byebye

You're the Best, Bear.

Jake gave me an early holiday present because he was worried I owned it already.

He knows me so well. I don't know why, but I don't expect people to remember most of the stupid/things I say but he does. What he got me was a Betsey Johnson "Heaven's To Betsey" necklace. :)

I am in total love. He got it off eBay, but I think he paid closer to regular price so I'm sure it's real! He got it because it matches my blue, purple and gold BTSSB Gabriel lolita dress. I feel sooo, soo lucky!

I was at his Oma's for Turkey Day and they tease him about being a grump-butt and bossy and he even jokes that he's 'my one flaw.' YEAH. OK. But I know he's not. *incoming cheese* He completes me.

lololloloololololklojfhdofjbko;fjkd;cnl;kv

Ok, more pictures.

I am bananas over this necklace.

Leaopard Print Vests Rule

I gave myself a face mask and a bath earlier.
It felt really nice and my face feels *pure*.
Hehe
Anyway, I really don't feel like I belong here. My roommates are downstairs watching YouTube videos and doing other things I don't do...
I am becoming more serious about moving out next semester. I need to make an appointment with a counselor ASAP. I should have done it sooner, but I never have time. :C Hopefully, I can find time tomorrow...I'm super excited about my career as a Sonographer now. Like, seriously. To be honest, mainly because I will possibly make $65k a year right out of school. That means I can afford going to FIDM. YES. I follow someone on IG that is a fashion student and watching him makes me very excited for my future! I feel I am on the right track again! YUUUUPEEE!

On another note, I am now addicted to Adventure Time. I love it! I knew I should have watched this a long time ago!
This makes me motivated to cheer-up about my adventure. :)

I have a shitty schedule next weekend after Turkey Day, but am going to try and trade. We will see. I just need to stay positive!

Ok. I should really go to bed.

One more thing! My mom "bought" me this awesome vest. :) I bought it because only our Costco has it still, and she said she'd pay be back for an early present. I don't know if I will have her, though. She already claims she will buy me the Spiked Litas for Xmas. But this vest will look bomb with the Spiked Litas. ;)

All Cuddled Up

Watching Adventure Time for the First TIme

And I like it so far. C:
I've had a kinda weird day.
It's been good and bad.

My family was in town and came to visit me while at work; my mom's brother and his girlfriend. She brought her nephew with her that lives in Isla Vista, too.

But that didn't help that I am super homesick. Like, crazy homesick. Crying-under-the-covers-homesick.

I am trying to figure out what to do to make myself happier, because I think I'm extra homesick because I am just unhappy in general. I can't decided if that's just because I'm a baby or if it's because I have too much going on with work 20 hours a week and school full time.
I moved out to be happy, but found myself in the same pattern of work, school, little play.

Whatevers.

Time to enjoy the rest of the show.

What Have I Done with My Past 2.5 Days?

Well...I've

• written an four essay/papers

1. research which I completed 80% in one night,
2. BS PE beach volleyball one
3. Cultural Paper based off the book A Long Way Gone
4. History paper that is part 2 and a take-home segment of our second midterm

• voted

• rolled my ankle which is normally a NBD situation but not this time,

• eaten all my good food,

• managed to make it to Japanese even though 2/4 of the papers tried to stop me,

• gone to work,

• caught up on all homework but Japanese

• and have managed to sleep every night for at least eight hours. :)

Rock Star status? Nahh, but I'll pretend.~

Now only if this weekend I didn't have so much to do sill...and it's only Tuesday. D<

FML

Just had a minor curve-ball thrown at me. And I'm listening to the Pandora station labeled "Sleepy Time" because it's calmer music I can listen to while I work. And every fucking song is a love song.

And then "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade just came on and I literally just Face-Palmed.

Fuuuuck.


I want to go home so bad. I am so, so, so, homesick.

One of my roommates (*cough* Pat *cough*) took my netbook while I was in the bathroom and posted on my Facebook with "I hate cats that piss on my roommates stuff."
I deleted it in mild anger and no amusement, and posted "My roommates remind me why I'm homesick."
Mel then posted "I miss you, Amanda." And I nearly burst into tears.

When I'm done with this stupid paper, I'm going to take a nice shower and calm down. I'm so emotionally all over the place. Ever since I went home for Jake's birthday, I have been so fucking homesick all over the place. It doesn't help that all the weekends have been a bust with no relief from the school world, but part of me feels like that was inevitable. I don't think I fit in here at all, not even a little. I want to go home to my boring days of Jake's garage and depressive nothingness.

I guess I'm fucked no matter where I am.

My "epic adventure" has turned into an "epic failure."
(should have seen that coming)

She's Helping Me Write My Paper

Someone is Smoking Weed Outside My Window (as usual)

Stella is literally watching me write this blog.
I am laying in bed and she is sitting facing the netbook, watching the words appear on the screen and my fingers moving. As cute as this is, I can only see 5% of the screen and am praying these words are spelled correctly (thank binoculars for spell check).

I am pretty mad at myself for not staying updated. There are a few things that I would have liked to blog about, but haven't. My life feels so different and I don't know if it's good or bad.
I miss Jake like a crazy person. Every day I have this compelling feeling to not get off at the appropriate exit and to keep driving straight for another 6 hours. But I can't.

Work has been getting better. I'm starting to enjoy it and make friends. I just have hardly any free time and because I'm only a part time worker, I'm not getting a lot of money for what feels like a lot of hours. But I'm ok with that. I couldn't handle anymore.

Things I should have blogged about:
Over a month ago my roommates first put up a "boxing ring" in our back yard. Sarah and I boxed. I 'won,' but there were some uneven odds going on.

A week after that I visited Jake for his birthday. It was a glorious weekend. I miss the bay so much. After I visited, that's when the serious sad days started to kick in. It helped me realize the sooner I get my shit together, the sooner I can go back home. As much as I am enjoying my time here down south, it is not home. I don't feel like I'm at home. I don't know how I feel. I use to feel like I was just visiting, but now it just feels normal, but not in a normal way.

I haven't posted any vlogs to YouTube and feel like an idiot. I need to start a weekly thing to get myself rolling. If you are reading this from my channel, I'm sorry. I have been so busy and promise to make time. I wanted to do a giveaway since I have 100+ followers now! Thank you!

I am managing to get through the days knowing I'll see Jake for Turkey Day. But after that? I don't want to think about it. I can't go home for winter break, but am hoping Jake will come down here, especially because IV will be much calmer and the house will be mostly empty.

I miss my mom a lot, too. She sends me amazing care packages even though she can't always afford it. I really want to send her something nice, I just can't think of it yet. I really miss just going to lunch or tea with her whenever. I don't have many friends outside the house, but even if I did, I wouldn't be able to fill the mom emptiness.

For Halloween I was a manba girl. It was a lot of fun doing the makeup, but the actual weekend sucked. It's probably because I don't drink, but I don't think that's all of it. There was a crazy couple that literally brawled each other and kept coming back when we kicked them out. And Saturday just sucked. My Halloween weekend was a total bust, the whole time I just wished I was back in the bay. I was borderline miserable. I didn't complain to anyone about that but one early morning, when I was asked by either Jack or Richard how I was, I mentioned how I was homesick and how Halloween wasn't the same for me. For some reason, Sarah thought it was her fault and threw me a surprise tea party. It was lovely and I really enjoyed it. It's not her fault that I don't fit in here and I don't know why she feels it's her responsibility. I think even if I did drink, I would still be about the same because Jake is what I miss the most.

I feel like I have no purpose in my life right now. It just feels like being stuck in the school rut. I have 3 papers due next week, one Monday and two on Tuesday. I think I can finish them all tomorrow no problem, especially because I have work earlier than normal on the weekends. I hope I get hired on as a regular after the holidays. And continuing on that hope, maybe even transfer to the Michael's back home for the summer. That would be amazing.

I'm forcing myself to draw again. If I want to be a fashion person, I need to be able to at least draw my designs/outfits. I did a couple already and think they turned out alright. I have a scrap book but decided to make it my design portfolio instead as a way to keep myself positive.

The last thing I can think of is that there's a possibility that Jake might go to Japan without me. :C Even though I explained earlier how it was important to me that we both go at the same time for the first time, it didn't stick and his Oma offered to pay for his trip and said I wasn't allowed to go. It's not that she doesn't like me, she just wants him to get an experience of the outside world and that's where he wants to go. I wish he'd pick somewhere else because it is so important to me. It's one of the few things we have in common and he's always saying we don't have a lot, too. But whatever. He hasn't told me his final answer yet and I don't want to think about it anymore.


This holiday, I think I'm going to ask for shoes. I want so many Jeffrey Campbell's that I'm going to pick my favorite and ask for them. So far, the Damsil JC x BlackMilk Galaxy ones are winning. I will probably end up buying myself a pair of spiked Litas in the next couple weeks, probably with the next pay check. I want Lolita, too, but just am too down to ever want to wear it. The longer I am here, the less I want to get dressed up. It's weird.


I think that's enough ranting for now. Good Night, World.